Unwell
The kids made me this amazing breakfast when I was so sick and fatigued that I couldn’t get out of bed.
I was experiencing depression on top of the sickness, and realized every month since October I’ve become ill. It felt like the lows would never end, and I couldn’t get enough sleep to offset things. The coughing was so bad sometimes I couldn’t breathe. I also got my period… during the busiest season for Jeremy with overnight tournaments out of town and driving him early in the morning for work in the snowstorms since his car is dead. “When it rains it pours,” my husband tried to cheer me up. Thanks a lot, honey.
I told Jeremy I wasn’t okay mentally or physically, and needed help. He called our ministers and friends because he was out of town and couldn’t do anything for me. They gave me a wonderful blessing of healing and comfort, and also brought us enough pizza to last like 2 weeks haha. It was such a kind gesture and really helped me not worry about making dinner for a while. I went easy on myself, and gave my son money for school lunch instead of making stuff. Jeremy drove one of the school vehicles for an event and was able to give me a break from driving him in the morning.
In my prayers and scriptures I keep being pointed to passages mentioning God’s Grace, and an urging to figure out what His grace is or means. After really struggling under stress and my body breaking on me I felt bad that my kids were taking care of themselves until bedtime. In desperate tears, feeling so defeated, I remembered the reminder to rely on my Savior. I looked in my scriptures and it seemed like I needed everything- but the one I looked up was “I need strength”—Ether 12:27. I knew it by heart and I tried to summon the words. Weakness. Humble. “My grace is sufficient”.
Today I listened and learned that grace is the presence of God’s power. I keep going through life thinking I’m going to get things together, I’ve got a system that works for whatever aspect- and it turns out God is teaching me every year how very human I am, helping me to understand that my expectations (both high and low) are not what His expectations are, helping me develop empathy for others who are struggling or suffering, helping me appreciate His gifts for me and to keep trying, helping me to ask Him for help.
After over a week being sick, I went to the doctor because my symptoms seemed to be getting worse instead of better. I started coughing up blood, which was super scary! No wonder this cold was so bad; turns out I was fighting COVID! They were surprised that the test results showed a positive since so much time had passed from when I first got sick. The doctor said it would be a long time (maybe 2 to 4 months) before I’m back to my normal self.
One load of laundry and a walk with the dog, and I’m wiped out for the rest of the day. I have to be very intentional about what I can get done. For comfort I indulge in my guilty pleasures- endless rounds of the mindless game Bejeweled on my phone, The Great British Baking Show, and Judge Judy’s new show. Eating nutritious food has really helped me, as I’ve lost quite a bit of weight and muscle mass in this illness. Although there’s not much I can do right now, I did manage to finish the taxes!!!!
There’s hope yet.
Love, Kat
