Ten Years of Marriage
We’ve made it to our 10 year anniversary! To celebrate us, we took some much needed rest/relaxation, booked our favorite B&B, and ate at our favorite sushi restaurant. Now I’m looking at photographs of us over the years, remembering all the things we’ve been through together because I’m a sentimental type. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this marriage is that if it isn’t constantly nurtured and strengthened, it is very fragile and susceptible. Here are some things that have worked for us.
Road tripping
When we get in the car and drive—even if there are kids in the back—it’s like we reset and get back to our old selves. We get to know each other more deeply, having some of our most important and serious conversations. We enjoy each other’s music again and pick up each other’s favorite snacks reserved for road trips. Even when we run into issues (storms, car troubles, kids who need a break, etc.) we’re just happy to be on the journey together. While we were still dating we held hands the entire way on our first road trip. I’m so glad I married someone I know I love spending that much one on one time with!
Serving Each Other
Our massages have evolved from showing each other affection to healing. Working long days in construction and tougher days in weatherization for years, sustaining long-term injuries in wrestling and scouts, helping with countless moves, and constantly serving others means he is tough on his body. His teaching career leaves his flat feet in pain by bedtime. It’s so satisfying for me to help ease his pain without medicating. He is always full of appreciation during the massage! My favorite compliment was, “I can’t even try to remember my problems right now.” I know I did well when he goes from being so exhausted he can’t sleep, to being so comfortable he snores the rest of the night.
Us vs. The World
My husband and I have many differences, yet our most important shared values are the same. For example, we both value education even if one of us prefers public school and the other likes homeschooling. Being united in values means we try to get there together; if we don’t agree we both compromise. Solving problems is an “us versus the world” rather than “you versus me” situation.
Being as One
Raising a family and providing is hard work! Sharing the responsibilities together really lifts the burden and connects us. I feel supported when he helps with chores/meals/bedtime, and when we manage the finances or work on his lesson plans together. It brightens my day when he notices and thanks me for how I make our house a home or spend my time with the kids when the entire world tells me that what I do isn’t as important as making money. If things aren’t perfectly together, he offers his help without my needing to ask… Seriously he is the best!! Acts of service is my primary love language, and I have felt very loved these 10 years. My husband always treats me with respect and admiration for the work I do at home, and supports my other interests; I do the same for him. I highly recommend the eye opening experience of stepping into your spouse’s world and walking in their shoes!
Making Traditions
I love that my husband enjoys sharing old traditions and making new ones with me. I think it’s an important part of marriage to look forward to things and create positive memories. Before we were married, on my birthday he got up super early to bring me a bouquet of fresh flowers, and made a batch of strawberry crepes for when I woke up. It was so special walking out in my robe to the amazing aroma of flowers and sweetness, and realizing he did it to celebrate me. Now I look forward to the 3 days a year that my husband makes them—my birthday, Mother’s Day, and our daughter’s birthday. When we share these crepes together, we also celebrate Jeremy’s Dad who passed away before we were married because crepes were a special thing his Dad did for them. The tradition lives on!
Gifts
He still uses the teacher mug I gave him from before we dated! One of the most memorable anniversary gifts came with a note saying, “This will save our marriage.” I had no idea our marriage needed saving! When I opened it I laughed so hard because it was so true. My husband had gifted me a GPS for our car (before cell phones had these) so I wouldn’t get lost. One time I missed an entire wedding driving in circles and couldn’t find where it was happening. I totally cried to him on the phone as he tried to tell me how to get there, blaming him for why I couldn’t find it. That was wrong of me. His gift gave me confidence and help I needed! Other favorites:
- Trip to where we’ve always wanted to go: Hawaii
- New expensive stuff we splurge on: shoes, laptop
- Things we want to try: skateboard, skydiving
- Little things that matter to us: Fresh flower bouquets he arranged at the shop, ironing shirts
- Yummy things that matter to us: A box of chocolates he hand-picked from my favorite chocolate place
Make Up Song
Forgiveness and learning how to say sorry can make such a difference for good. Our first year, I didn’t really know how to talk through my negative emotions like moodiness, anger, sadness, or frustration. I went into a dark quiet place (usually my closet) to just think or sometimes cry rather than say something hurtful or irrational. It often left my sweet husband confused and thinking that he messed up somehow, when really it was just me PMSing. One day I emerged from my closet to apologize, and he surprised me by pulling me into a slow dance to my first time hearing “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” by Poison.
Is it something I said or something I did?
Did my words not come out right?
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried but I guess that’s why they say
Every rose has its thorn
I laughed so hard! My maiden name means “of the rose”, so it was double-obvious who the rose was in this song! He later told me that it felt like I gave him the silent treatment. I didn’t realize I was hurting his feelings and not communicating properly, and it was nice that he showed me this in such a kind and loving way.
