Angels Speak
Dear Journal,
I have been prompted to write these things, so I will try to put together this recounting as best as I can many months later.
August thru November 2025
I remember being in the doctor’s office in the gown and splayed out. The staff had gone out to grab something. I was there to get my birth control inserted, an IUD just like all the others I’d had after each birth. This was going to be my last stop before someday getting my tubes tied or a hysterectomy.
As I laid there on the table, I felt a presence and heard the clearest little child’s voice call to me, “Mom.” I had goosebumps and was so startled that I looked around, but saw I was alone. No, I thought, I must be imagining things and hallucinating. I just had a baby, and he’s still in the hospital. We still have a ways to go in the NICU. My body is still recovering. I have all my kids, I am done… Right? Still, my mind kept thinking about that voice.
The doctor came in and started the procedure, but he stopped midway and ungloved. “We can’t move forward,” he said, trying not to alarm me. “You’re going to have to come back. We used a special tool to measure and everything, but it looks like it went too far and punctured your uterus. It’s not a big deal, it shouldn’t hurt or cause any issues. When it heals in a couple of weeks, come back and we can try again.”
I was dumbfounded. Walking around without my IUD, possibly able to get pregnant again, and hearing that voice made me even more paranoid.
That was the first attempt. They kept having delays and rescheduling. On the third try, the doctor had to rush off to the hospital to deliver a patient when we were already on our way to my appointment. I ended up coming back another time and just having a nurse practitioner do it because the doctor who punctured my uterus didn’t want to try again (likely for liability reasons) and I no longer trusted him to be poking around in there. Finally 10 weeks after I gave birth, the staff placed my IUD, and I quietly decided the voice was just from postpartum stress.
Late July thru Early August 2026
It’s been months since I heard the voice at the doctor’s office. Now it was a very quiet moment in my room when I heard it again—the clear voice of a child calling my name, as if they were right there with me. “Mom.” I recognized the voice as the same one, it felt like it could be any of my children but I couldn’t tell if it was a boy or a girl. I heard it so clearly and it felt so real that I asked Jer if one of our kids was hiding in our room, but no one was there. It shook me up inside. Once was powerful enough, but I was able to dismiss it and here was a second time so it got my attention.
Jer and I went for a run in the canyon right after, and I was pushing the baby (Henry) in the jogging stroller up a hill. I finally had a conversation with my Heavenly Father. “So, what was that all about? What does it mean?” I asked coyly, and felt the warm response. “You know what it means,” He gently replied. Yes, I did know. And I broke down, feeling the spirit so strongly at the significance and the sheer weight in His answer. I’d never heard a child’s voice when it’s happened before, but I knew when God was telling me that we needed to have another child and I was not willing or not ready yet.
Overcome with emotion, and running through all of my thoughts with Heavenly Father in my mind, the tears started pouring and I couldn’t breathe. But I can’t do it. We barely survived this one. My body is broken. The postpartum depression was worse than ever. What about Jeremy? It was so taxing on everyone in our family, our village taking care of us, how can I survive without them but also how could I ask them to do it all over again with me? I’m getting too old for this. I can’t! How????
Jeremy had to calm me down and asked what was the matter. I had told him about the voice the first time in the doctor’s office, and now I told him about the latest. His response? He looked in awe, and then he said, “Well, as President Monson says, ‘When God speaks and a man obeys, he is always right.‘”
I decided to study it out in my mind, discuss with my sweetheart, fast and pray about it, and then go to the temple with these things in my heart.
During my study, I learned about Esther which was all about Surrender. I could relate to her saying, “Save me from my fear.” So many stories of giving over completely to God and you will succeed because Jesus is always enough.
That week I heard Steven Sharp Nelson say that if there is anywhere that angels would be able to move things on Earth to leave us heavenly messages, it would be in the scriptures in the temple—look for the bookmarks.
Why not try it? The bookmark in the scriptures I found softly kinked into 2 Nephi chapter 32. The entire chapter felt like my answer, but this verse spoke seemed highlighted:
“Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.”
2 Nephi 32:3
The chapter talked about praying in the name of Christ that he will consecrate our performance to ourself for the welfare of our soul.
Jer and I went on a walk and talk after my temple visit, and we both came to the conclusion that someday we would have another child (whether that’s through another pregnancy, or some other way), and to prepare. Get our health stuff in order for both of us, shore up our finances, focus on baby Henry’s medical stuff right now, and look into what would be needed or involved in having another child including surrogacy or adoption. The timing and the details would come later, and for now we were opening our hearts to be blessed with another soul after such a big experience with baby Henry.
Late October 2026
Jer and I ran over the summer (here and here and here) until I had to stop because I had to go to the bathroom 5 minutes in, and I had to hold my lower belly up in pain because it felt like my guts were falling out. It only got worse and I couldn’t even walk over 2 miles without feeling like my insides were bursting, or like I needed to go to the bathroom that moment with very little to no warning. No amount of kegels or pelvic floor exercises seemed to help. I saw my doctor because when I googled my symptoms for months it said I might have “pelvic organ prolapse”.
Doctor thinks I do have prolapse. As we have babies, some of our parts stretch and grow and allow for the organs to bump and descend. Once they stretch and once they prolapse, it’s not something that can be corrected. There are 4 stages of prolapse, stage 1 being minimal prolapse that can be helped with kegels, and stage 4 being your organs have literally fallen out and are on the outside of your body. My doctor thinks I’m at stage 2—a good place to do treatment before surgery is required. Slings and pessaries and surgery can temporarily tighten or suspend the organs, but it would just relieve some of the symptoms. A surgery to remove my uterus would likely be ineffective because of the type of prolapse I have, where the uterus seems suspended high enough but the bladder and the rectum have descended towards the uterine canal and are kinking that middle area.
The doctor said that prolapse is when we stop having kids. It’s not advised because more pregnancies will likely mean more stretching and more prolapse, which as he said is permanent. I’d like to have my organs on the inside of my body if possible… I could still have a healthy pregnancy after this, but there is the risk of the prolapse and needing repeated surgery. I’m getting a second opinion and more info especially about surgery from an OBGYN.
November 2026
The gynecologist determined that I do not have prolapse. What a relief!! Instead of my bladder prolapsing, it’s just a ridge of tissue called the hymenal ring.
In a turn of events, he says I have a lost IUD with no strings found. Not sure how long that’s been going on. I’ve got an ultrasound scheduled ASAP to search for it. What happens next depends on where it is.
In the mean time he hypothesized that my symptoms are likely from weakening of the core / back muscles, giving the sensation of dropping organs during activity. Physical therapy may help with that. Why have my other pregnancies not had this issue recovering into activity before? “From having more birthdays,” says my Doctor.
No restrictions on exercise or activity, having further pregnancies, and other concerns I had when I thought this was prolapse.
