The Poo Day
I’m going to tell you the story of today (December 14, 2017) which I’ve lovingly named The Poo Day. You may not believe it because it’s that unbelievable, and that’s okay. I have pictures to prove it, but I will spare you. Unless you want to see them at the very very end of this post, since this is something I will hold over my son’s head for eternity and feel like it should come with more than just the over exaggerated imaginations of his Mom. Fair warning this is about poo so… it will be gross. I’m finding that the Mom life is quite messy and toughens you in ways some people can’t stomach. If you think you can’t handle it, it’s okay—it’s not you, it’s me! Feel free to skip this one!
The Warm Up
First, I got a nice warm up to the rest of today’s activities when baby was laying in my lap eating, looking at me with his angelic little face when he made a giant noisy poo. I knew he had a major blowout on me. No biggie, that’s happened quite a bit in my life and I rushed to change him, get him bathed, and clean up the mess including my clothes like a pro.
I barely got the baby dressed again when I received a call from school. L had a potty accident and needed a change of clothes. That would be no problem except we unexpectedly became a one-car family recently and I didn’t have it, nor would I be getting it anytime soon, nor could I leave my kids at that point. Thankfully, family was there in a pinch and bent over backwards to help me drop off stuff at school! I made two sets of clothes; one for now, and one for her backpack if it happens again and I can’t get to her.
The Nightmare
Then relief came and a miracle happened—or did it? The boys went down for a nap at the same time. To be fair, Big Brother fell asleep in his high chair because it was way past his nap time, but I cleaned him up and laid him in bed. I had the thought to put his pajama pants back on, but he was so out of it and whining at me that I decided it was a silly idea. I had just changed him before he ate, nothing had ever happened to make me worry, that would be too much work, what a strange thought…
And this, folks, is that part of the thriller movie when you’re like, “No, listen! Don’t go there! You should have listened! No…”
Lulled into false security, I checked in during nap time to find that my little angel had not been asleep for long. He had removed his diaper (which was completely clean) and proceeded to poo in a couple of spots, step in it, put his hands in it, try to wipe it off on every surface imaginable, climb up the bunk bed steps, ride the rocking horse, play with some toys, read a book or two, and in general make my next few hours a living nightmare.
Scroll to the very bottom of this post for a tiny window into the madness.
The Clean Up
I am SO proud for not reacting or getting angry at him, but honestly I think I was just completely shocked and went into auto-pilot Mom Survival Mode. It’s the mode where your brain is in such trauma that your mind zones out as your body takes over to get a job done. My husband keeps telling me this kid can get away with anything because he’s so cute, but it also helps that I’m too busy cleaning up.
I put my poo-covered little boy in the bath and got him all nice and clean before leaving L in charge of him playing in the tub while I figured out where to start. I called my husband to give him a FaceTime tour because he couldn’t believe it. The photos are from far away and do not do it justice or show the level of contamination and detail of the damage. I asked him to give me some direction on how to clean this because I felt like crying looking at all the work I had to do when I was supposed to be going somewhere in a half hour and was in the middle of preparing dinner and a million other things to get ready to go. Plans were immediately cancelled and everything put on hold. I asked advice on how to clean poo out of carpet from the best veteran Mom I know, and even she didn’t have the answers.
I brought out the trash can and Clorox wipes and got to work. I’m sure there’s a right way to do it, but I was doing my best with what I had the way I thought I should. As I began plucking and dabbing and scrubbing, I thought, “I hate you. I hate you.” It was smeared into the carpet and on the walls, doors, dresser, bed, box spring under the bed… and that was not including the massive piles on the floor or the stuff covering the bedding, blankets, pillows, and clothing. By the middle of it I thought, “I love you, I love you, I’m only doing this because I love your stinking face so much.”
The damage was so extensive I had to take a break and bring the kids to a friend’s house to play while I continued. Two hours after starting cleaning and the end wasn’t in sight. By now the poo was hardening and the room smelled. I couldn’t just throw everything in the laundry; from experience, I had to remove debris and scrub with soap and sometimes soak or pretreat with remover so stains don’t set. It took me a lot of effort and a long while to get through this process with all the laundry.
Play time was over and it was time to get the kids fed, cleaned, and in bed. I made Top Ramen with all the effort I could muster, and my little boy was so eager to eat that as he stole his plate of food to bring to his high chair it completely spilled all over the floor… Good thing I made 2 packages! I cleared some floor space in the baby room and set up their sleeping bags with a change of clothes for school in the morning. My friend brought over a carpet cleaner and I had no idea how to use it so I put a pause on that. I was exhausted and the house was a disaster so I opened the window in the poo room to help the smell and turned off the heater before calling it quits.
My husband got home really late and left for an out of town tournament early this morning, so he only had time to help me treat the carpet by hand with a solution of dish soap, water, and vinegar. He said we can try using the carpet cleaner on it after this! It already looks and smells so much cleaner now.
WARNING! Here come the poo pictures!!!
Leave now or forever be scarred!
Wow, you survived those with me just now.
I just want to emphasize that those photos also do not do the situation justice because that was just the major parts of my first reaction, not the nitty gritty details that I eventually uncovered as I turned that room over with my sanitization powers.
When this is all over, I will hold the secrets to surviving The Poo Day. And those secrets probably include… put some pants on that little boy! If it’s too quiet during nap time, be afraid; be very afraid. And you will need good friends with carpet cleaners, playtime, and lots of happy thoughts! Patronus charm level happy thoughts. And finally, you will need to laugh about how ridiculous it was and how you are so glad it’s over—or is it?
