Lily Is My World, And I’m Okay With That

February 12, 2015
I need the Lord more than ever these days. It seems every day presents a new crossroad leading to an opportunity and a mistake. I think my main motivation is to do what I think is right, and to do the best that I can in all that I do, but it’s often a lonely road. I’ve had to tell myself daily that it’s okay to be alone, that it will make me strong, that I must not let how I feel at that moment overtake whatever it is I’m trying to prove to myself. In the lonely hour, I’ve found that really all I have is my Heavenly Father. I pray, a lot. Most of them are awkward, quick pleas for rescuing because I just don’t have the energy or the moral fiber to fight the good fight every day. Some of it lately has been for charity, for compassion, for love that I don’t feel comes naturally to me. It’s so easy for me to expect more from people, and it would be so much easier if I could let it go and not care–but I do care, and care in a way that makes it personal to me.

I find great joy in my Lily. She has a big girl bed, but we always fall asleep together and wake up together–even though during the night we each ended up switching beds. I dress her in the morning, do her hair, plan her snacks, take her to school… And the night-time routine is also our time together. We shower together because she’s now afraid of the bath drain, and I put her to bed. Lately we’ve been having late-night tea parties and she asks me to move her little table and chairs to various places in the house so we can have a special experience. She knows just how to cheer my heart up, whether that’s to tell me that I look beautiful, or that she missed me all day, or to snuggle and cuddle me, or to share her excitement with me about the new rocks she found. She helps me with the laundry, making dinner when I actually have the time to do that, and cleaning up her toys. I only have to ask her once to do something, and she does so willingly and cheerfully. What a lucky mama I am!

I want my kids to always know that they are my world.